Joke Quiz

QUALIFYING EXAMINATION

Instructions: Read each question carefully. Answer all questions. Time limit: 4 hours. Begin immediately.

HISTORY: Describe the history of the papacy from its origins to the present day, concentrating especially but not exclusively on its social, political, economic, religious, and philosophical impact on Europe, Asia, America, and Africa. Be brief, concise, and specific.

MEDICINE: You have been provided with a razor blade, a piece of gauze, and a bottle of Scotch. Remove your appendix. Do not suture until your work has been inspected. You have fifteen minutes.

PUBLIC SPEAKING: 2,500 riot-crazed aborigines have stormed the classroom. Calm them. You may use any ancient language except Latin or Greek.

BIOLOGY: Create life. Estimate the differences in subsequent human culture if this form of life had developed 500 million years earlier, with special attention to its probable effect on the English parliamentary system. Prove your thesis.

MUSIC: Write a piano concerto. Orchestrate and perform it with flute and drum. You will find a piano under your seat.

PHYCHOLOGY: Based on your knowledge of their works, evaluate the emotional stability, degree of adjustment, and repressed frustrations of each of the following: Alexander of Aphrodisias, Ramses II, Gregory of Nicea, and Hammurabi. Support your evaluation with quotations from each man’s work, making appropriate references; it is not necessary to translate.

SOCIOLOGY: Estimate the sociological problems which might accompany the end of the world. Construct an experiment to test your theory.

MANAGEMENT SCIENCE: Define Management. Define Science. How do they relate? Why? Create a generalized algorithm to optimize all managerial decisions. Assume an 1130 CPU supporting 50 terminals, each terminal to activate your algorithm. Design the communications interface and all necessary control programs.

ENGINEERING: The disassembled parts of a high-powered rifle have been placed in a box on your desk. You will also find an instruction manual printed in Swahili. In ten minutes a hungry Bengal tiger will be admitted to the room. Take whatever action you feel appropriate. Be prepared to justify your decision.

ECONOMICS: Develop a realistic plan for refinancing the national debt. Trace the possible effects of your plan in the following areas: Cubism, the Donatist controversy, and the wave theory of light. Outline a method of preventing these effects. Criticize this method from all possible points of view. Point out the deficiencies in your point of view as demonstrated in your answer to the last question.

POLITICAL SCIENCE: There is a red telephone on the desk beside you. Start World War III. Report at length on the socio-political effects, if any.

EPISTEMOLOGY: Take a position for or against truth. Prove the validity of your position.

PHYSICS: Explain the nature of matter. Include in your answer an evaluation of the impact of the development of mathematics on science.

PHILOSOPHY: Sketch the developments of human thought. Estimate its significance. Compare with the development of any other kind of thought.

GENERAL KNOWLEDGE: Describe in detail. Be objective and specific.

EXTRA CREDIT: Define the universe. Give three examples.

Why Wikipedia rocks

Wikipedia rocks because it is easy to edit. This is not a bad thing, as some people would claim. This is a good thing because it is very up to date, and it reflects the view points of the common people, not just the "experts." Some naysayers claim that it is anonymous, but every page has a history page tracking all the changes and what computer they were made at. Some of the more frequent participants even have virtual identities. Some of the naysayers claim that it is easy to vandalize Wikipedia, but this is not always true. Some of the more frequently vandalized pages will not allow changes from anonymous or new users. If that isn't enough, several reputable news providers, including CNN, have used Wikipedia for research because it is so up to date. That is why Wikipedia rocks.

Joke#11

Q: Why did the chicken cross the playground?
A: To get to the other slide.

Q: Why did the turkey cross the road?
A: To prove he wasn't chicken.

Joke#10

Q: Why can't a bicycle stand on its own?
A: Because it's two tired.

A posteriori stinks

Click on the title of the article to see a funny argument. A posteriori stinks because you can't make (a posteriori) claims without making assumptions, so therefore you can't prove anything using those claims. Thus, there is no such thing as a posteriori knowledge. Thus, a priori is the closest one can come to proof. If a priori claims can't prove something, nothing can. Perhaps there is some a priori verity from which the whole of existence is derived.

There Is No Reality

There is no reality because:
1. There is no Proof.
a. Any claim that you could use in a proof is based on assumptions.
b. You cannot prove anything without using claims.
c. Assumptions are not adequate for proof.
2. Reality is defined by Perception.
a. See Einstein's theory of Relativity.
3. There is no adequate Perception.
a. Perception is defined by belief.
b. There is no adequate belief.
i. Belief is defined by Proof.
ii. Proof is required for adequate belief.
4. Thus, because there can be no adequate Perception, there can be no adequate Reality.
a. There is no such thing as inadequate Reality.
i. Reality is an absolute concept.
Thus, there is no reality!
QED

Joke#9

There's this guy walking down the street with two penguins on his shoulder. A policeman comes up to him and tells him, "Hey, you can't have those two penguins on your shoulder, take them to the zoo."
"Alright." the guy agrees.
The next day, the policeman sees the same guy walking down the street, with the same two penguins on his shoulder. "Hey, I thought I told you to take those penguins to the zoo!"
"I did. They loved it so much, tonght I'm taking them to the cinema."

Joke#8

Anti Jokes
Q: What is the difference between a duck?
A: One of its legs are both the same.

Q: What's the difference between an apple?
A: The more you polish, it gets.

Q:What do you get when you cross a muffin with chocolate chips?
A:A chocolate chip muffin.

A priori vs. A posteriori

A priori and a posteriori are terms used in epistemology to describe how parts of knowledge are derived. A priori refers to that which is reached before experience. An example of that would be "1+1=2" You do not have to have experienced the material world to be able to say that. Another classic example would be Descartes' saying "I think therefore I am." A posteriori refers to that which comes after experience. Examples of that would be "The sky is blue," or, "I have hands, feet, and a head. Therefore I am human." You can combine these two schools of thought, and you get empiricism. An example of that would be deducing p->q using a priori evidence, then using a posteriori evidence to deduce p, thus proving q. To sum up the two concepts, for those who are confused, a priori means just using logic, a posteriori means using your senses.

Teleportation

Hey, cool. Scientists apparently have teleported something. They teleported a "a macroscopic atomic object containing thousands of billions of atoms over a distance of half a meter."
See: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Teleportation
whadaya know? ya learn something new every day.

Joke#8

There are 10 types of people in this world: Those who understand binary, those who don't, and those who only think they do.

Joke#7

"Elvis is dead," said Tom expressly.
"I'll never sleep on the railroad tracks again!" Tom said, beside himself.
"I came, I saw," Tom concurred.
"I just love my job at the nuclear plant," Tom said glowingly.

Victory Disease

There is an interesting idea being floated around called Victory Disease. In essence, Victory Disease means that what goes up must come down. Whenever an individual or group makes a major military victory, they can be so overcome by hubris that they consider all their adversaries to be inconsequential, which leads to some disastrous consequences. Some famous examples of this include Napoleon at Waterloo, or more recently the U.S. at 9/11. The U.S. was so full of itself after the “fall” of Communism, that it did not consider Islamic militants in the Middle East to be much of a threat.
What I will be talking about next is a concept of my own devising, and any and all comments are welcome. The U.S. used to be what one could consider “up.” However, now we are going “down.” The signs are unmistakable. China and Japan have both been making considerable leaps in the international market in recent decades, U.S. currency has less and less value when compared to other currencies, and our political structure is being weakened from within. I could expound on these topics for several more pages, but you get the idea.
So, how do we, as patriotic Americans, avoid this? Well, the only way to stop from going “down,” is to get rid of our enemies completely. The only way to do idea morally is to make them our friends. The only way to make such alliances permanent is to absorb the other nations into a single, conglomerate, world-wide nation. This step would involve many benefits to all of mankind. However, what I would like comments on is how we can do that. What can the president do to do this? What can the U.N. do to do this? etc. tell me your ideas

Joke#6

Some Tom Swifties:

"Let's look for another Grail!" Tom requested.
"I unclogged the drain with a vacuum cleaner," Tom said succinctly.
"I manufacture tabletops" said Tom, counterproductively.
"I used to be a pilot," Tom explained.
"I dropped the toothpaste," said Tom, crestfallen.

Joke#5

Q: what do you get when you cross a parrot and a shark?
A: something that talks your head off.

Joke#4

Q: What do you call the skeleton in the closet?
A: Last year's hide-and-seek champion